Chapter 13
(Ronin Reunion)
(On the ship)
Trowa: There it is. Planet Yakoflat.
Ryo: Alright! Now I can ask Sai what the word to call my armor is.
Heero: Engaging landing sequence.
(Ship lands in parking lot...designed for cars)
Ryo: Umm...I think we're illegally parked.
Dr. J: Certainly not! This is a parking lot, isn't it?!
Heero: ...Dr. J, did you hack the navigation controls and land us here?
Dr. J: Of course not! I programmed a robot to do it for me!
Heero: Why are you out of your cage?
Dr. J: (hanging head in shame) I'm leaving...
(Parking lot is next to nuclear power facility and a restaurant, which is across the street)
Ryo: Sai works in that power planet.
Heero: Ok guys, here's the plan. I'll sedate the guards and hop the fence. We can avoid security until we reach the compound, but once we get inside, we’ll-
Ryo: Or we could ask permission to see him and enter through the front door.
Heero: You really think they’re gonna let you into a nuclear plant just because you say you know someone who works there?
Ryo: Couldn’t hurt to try.
Heero: If it doesn’t work, they’ll have our faces on the security tape. Then even if we do manage to break in and escape with the information, they’ll put out an APB on us.
Ryo: …until we meet Sai, who can vouch for us.
Heero: I don’t like it.
Ryo: Fine, we'll "distract" the guards by asking them to let us in while you sneak around.
Heero: Mission accepted.
Ryo: ...yeah.
(They walk up to the front gate and ask to see Sai)
Guard: One moment (whispers into intercom). Ok. Right this way.
(The guard escorts them into the plant. He leads them to Sai, who's holding a clipboard, wearing a lab coat, and shouting at people)
Sai: YOU INCOMPETENT MORONS!! YOU CAN ONLY PUT ONE KIND OF URANIUM IN THE REACTOR!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!! GET OUTTA' HERE!!!
Ryo: Hey Sai!
Sai: I SAID YOU'RE FIR- (turns to see Ryo) …huh? Ryo, is that you? What are you doing here?
Ryo: So is this what you do all day? I could do that!
Sai: Wow, I can't believe it's really you! Who's that with you?
Ryo: His name's Trowa. He's a friend of a friend, so I guess he's a friend.
Sai: Hi, nice to meet you. Hey, I'm about to go on my lunch break. Why don't we talk in the restaurant across the street?
(An alarm goes off)
Sai: What? It's an intruder!
Ryo: Nah, don't worry about that. That must be my friend, Heero. He wanted to do this the hard way.
Sai: ...
(Heero runs in and tries to sedate Sai. Sai blocks him with ease)
Sai: Would this be your friend, then?
Ryo: Yup, that's him. Heero, calm down. This is Sai.
Heero: I stole some blueprints, and I think some plutonium. Is that ok?
Sai: I'm afraid not.
Heero: Whatever, Dr. J probably already has some of these anyway.
Sai: Dr. who?
Ryo: We'll talk in the restaurant.
(Sai explains to the guards, and after the company banishes Heero forever they head to the restaurant)
Sai: (opening the door) You guys will love the food here. It's really good.
Dr. J: (behind the counter) Hi, Heero!
(Bottle shatters behind Dr. J. with gunshot)
Sai: Who's that guy?
Heero: That would be Dr. J, (increasing tone) who will now be GOING BACK TO THE SHIP!!!!
Dr. J: But I'm having so much fun!
(Gun shot)
Dr. J: Ow! That one grazed my ear!
Heero: The next one won't miss!
Dr. J: (fearful tone) I'm leaving.
(Dr. J leaves)
Sai: Hey, where's the real owner?
(They notice Bulma bound and gagged behind the counter. They untie her)
Heero: Did he hurt you?
Bulma: No, but he really scared me.
Heero: Sorry about that, but as terrifying as he is, he's harmless on the inside.
Trowa: Someone should really make sure that he's going back to the ship and not the nuclear facility across the street.
(Megaphone alarm goes off)
Megaphone: Warning, meltdown alert. Warning, meltdown alert.
Heero: (angry) DR. J!!!!!!
(Heero runs towards compound, drawing his pistol)
Megaphone: Crisis averted. Have a (in Dr. J's voice) very disturbing (voice changes back) day. (Voice changes to that of security guards) Get away from that!
(Dr. J hauled out by guards, led by owner of the plant. They walk up to Heero)
Owner: (to Heero) Is this yours?
Heero: Unfortunately...
Owner: Well, keep him away from my plant! We caught him peeing on the uranium in the reactor core!!!
Heero: Hold on. Trowa, get out here!
(Trowa walks out)
Trowa: Yeah?
Heero: Go make Dr. J build a lock for himself...and make sure it works.
Trowa: Can do.
Dr. J: Aww...
(Trowa hauls him away)
Trowa: Come on. I think you've had way too much fun today.
(Heero re-enters restaurant)
Sai: Did they catch 'im?
Heero: Yeah. Thankfully.
Bulma: Well, it’s nice to meet you all. I'm Bulma, and I'll be your server. What can I get you today?
Sai: I'll have the usual.
Bulma: What about you guys?
Heero: You have any Pixie stix?
Bulma: Sure do!
Heero: Give me 80.
Ryo: Uh, Heero? We don't have that much money.
Sai: Don't worry, it's on me guys.
Heero: In that case I'll also take a sub sandwich and some water.
Ryo: I'll take a burger and a Dr. Frieza.
Bulma: Ok. I'll be back in a minute with your orders.
(Bulma goes into the back)
Sai: So Ryo, why are you here?
Ryo: Well, I was just driving my truck like I do every day, then some stuff happened and Pokemon blew up the planet. Now we're out to destroy them.
Sai: Pokemon, huh? I've been hearing a lot about them lately. Not too many of them on our planet, thankfully.
Ryo: Anyway, I need my armor to fight them, but I can't remember how to call it.
Sai: (agitated) Again?!
Ryo: I know, I'm sorry. I'll write it down this time.
Sai: Fine. You shout-
Ryo: Hold on. I want to try to guess it one more time. Let's see...Armor of Wild Fire, owii!...um...Armor of Wild Fire, moldy cheese!
Sai: …now Ryo, did you really think that shouting "moldy cheese" would bring you mystical armor?
Ryo: Does that at least rhyme with it?
Sai: Not really...
Ryo: Ok, I give up. What is it?
Sai: (Sigh)..."Armor of Wild Fire, Daochi." Got that?
Ryo: Oh yeah! Daochi! I'm such an idiot.
Heero: (Writing the phrase down) No arguments here.
Ryo: Alright, I'll try it later. Thanks Sai.
Sai: Sure. Anything for a fellow Ronin who's down on his luck.
Ryo: You can come with us if you want. We could use your armor.
Sai: Sorry Ryo, but I have a real job.
Ryo: (mumbling) Bastard.
(Bulma comes back in with their orders)
Bulma: Here you go guys. Enjoy!
Heero (eating sandwich): Hey, turn on the T.V, would you?
Ryo: Sure.
(Ryo turns on the T.V.)
Announcer: And now, because of the enormous response we got from our viewers last time, we've decided to make the Snipe Show a regular program on our network!
Heero: All right! Trowa will be psyched!
Sai: Is this any good?
Heero: Prepare to be amazed.
(Episode opens on an episode from "Tenchi Universe" called "No need for a fair" Aeka and Reyoko kick each other's stand down, then face off in an argument. During the embarrassing display of idiocy, Aeka is sniped. Then so is Reyoko. Then bullets pour down on the crowd. Bullets begin to pile and cover the fair grounds. Fifteen minutes later, the head sniper, from up on a hot air balloon, orders "Ok soldiers, cease fire!" They continue sniping. "I said-" he is sniped. Then a bomb is dropped, turning the pile of bullets into a cloud of fire and shrapnel. All are killed. The End.)
Ryo: ...what the hell was that?
Heero: That was the best ever!
Ryo: How could you like that?!
Heero: How could you not?
Ryo: It's just one minute of plot followed by fifteen minutes of mindless death!
Sai: Don't you find that entertaining?
Ryo: No! That's stupid and mindless!
Heero: You're the only one who thinks so.
Ryo: ...(sigh) never mind.
(They continue eating)
Sai: Bulma, I ask you this every day. With all your technical know-how, why don't you work across the street?
Bulma: Oh, you’re sweet, but I told you, I enjoy it here. Besides, I knew Goku, so Frieza won't let me get a job that pays more than $6 an hour.
Sai: It’s a shame. You'd make a great teammate.
Bulma (blushing): Oh, Sai!
Ryo: I'd watch out for him Bulma. I've seen how he treats his women.
Sai: (slams table) I TOLD YOU, SHE WAS DEAD WHEN I GOT THERE!!!
(There is a long silence during which everyone stares at Sai. Then Trowa rushes in)
Trowa: Guys, switch the T.V. to channel 847, quickly!
(Bulma changes channel)
T.V: And so the rumors are yet unconfirmed as to whether Frieza lost the battle with the Pokemon leader, Ash. Frieza will not give any comment as to the results of the battle, and has not been seen for weeks.
(Everyone stares in complete shock at the T.V)
Ryo: No way!
Sai: It's impossible! How could anyone be more powerful then Frieza?!
Heero: Well, it looks like we'll need a lot more than armor and Gundams to win this.
Sai: What's a Gundam?
Heero: Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Ryo: If I can get the armor of inferno I can take anyone on!
Sai: I dunno Ryo. I don't think even the armor of inferno could match Frieza.
Ryo: Then I'll find a way to charge it up! Maybe the ancient would know...
Heero: We've got what we needed, Ryo. We should hurry to the battle before it’s too late to help.
Ryo: Alright. It's been good seeing ya, Sai. Maybe we could get together some time after this is all over.
Sai: Sure thing, Ryo. I guess I'll see ya ‘round!
(Heero pockets his 80 pixie stix and they head for the ship)
Heero: Wait a minute...who's watching Dr. J?
Megaphone: Warning, Dr. J alert.
Heero: DR. J!!!