(Dr. J's Isle)
(The gang appears in blackness. A theme song begins to play as pictures fly by. Start "Gilligan's Island" theme music)
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip,
That started from this tropic port,
Aboard this tiny (music pauses) ...thing (Shows picture of a freakish boat-like structure. Music resumes).
The mate was a mighty teenager, (Shows pic of Tenchi)
The skipper quite insane. (Shows pic of Dr. J, smiling and waving)
Six passengers set sail that day,
And then it starts to rain.
And then it starts to rain!
The weather started getting rough,
The tiny...thing was tossed,
If not for the madness of the crazy crew, (Shows pic of Dr. J laughing maniacally in a huge storm while Tenchi runs around panicking)
The thingy would be lost.
The thingy would be lost!
The thing struck ground on the shore of this
Uncharted desert isle.
With Tenchi, (Shows pic of Tenchi)
The skipper too, (Pic of Dr. J)
The millionaire, (Pic of Aeka)
And her wine! (Pic of confused Sasami holding a bottle of wine)
The FBI, (Pic of Mihoshi and Kiyone)
The professor and...someone else, (Pics of Washuu and Reyoko)
Here on Dr. J's isle! (Bird's-eye view of island)
(The gang finds themselves on a beach of the island they just saw)
Heero: Please, please kill me now.
Trowa: Well, Dr. J shouldn't be too hard to find here, being that he's a main character.
Heero: You'd think that, wouldn't you?
(They walk through woods and find campsite from "Gilligan's Island")
Ryo: Hey, look! Let's check out those huts.
(They each go to a hut. Heero goes to the hut on the far left and looks through the window. He sees Washuu working on some form of explosive)
Washuu: (to herself) This'll fix those damn cannibals! Heh heh heh heh!
(Heero backs away slowly. Ryo looks in the middle hut's window and finds Reyoko and Aeka, dressed in skimpy bathing suits, mindlessly bickering. Sasami stands aside, motionless, a wide-eyed yet lifeless expression on her face, holding a bottle of wine)
Reyoko: Tenchi's sleeping in my hut tonight!
Aeka: You whore! Tenchi sleeps in the skipper's hut!
Reyoko: The skipper is insane! Tenchi wants to sleep with me!
Sasami: (in a weak and unnatural voice) More wine m' lady?
(Ryo continues to stare. Trowa sees Mihoshi and Kiyone in the hut to the far right. Kiyone is shouting)
Kiyone: How many times do I have to tell you to open the coconuts before you cook them!?!
Mihoshi: I'm sorry Kiyone! I promise it won't happen ever again!
Kiyone: It had better not! This is already the third time that I’ve had to clean up your exploded coconuts!
(Heero and Trowa return to the center of camp. Ryo continues to stare)
Heero: Nothing in there. You have any luck?
Trowa: No.
Heero: What about you Ryo?
(Ryo continues to stare)
Heero: Ryo?...RYO!!
Ryo: What? Oh, um, nothing here either.
(Ryo continues to stare. Heero smacks him upside the head)
Ryo: Ow! Hey!
(Aeka and Reyoko notice them)
Aeka and Reyoko: AAAHH!! CANIBALS!!!!
(Washuu bursts out of her hut)
Washuu: TAKE THIS CANIBALS!!!
(Washuu hurls a hand grenade at them. They dodge it, and it lands between the middle and far right huts. They are both destroyed. Mihoshi, Kiyone, and Reyoko are killed, and Aeka is crippled. Sasami remains standing, unscathed, with the same blank expression)
Aeka: (crawling) Tenchi...
(Aeka collapses, but doesn't die)
Sasami: More wine m' lady?
Heero: Looks like all of them got their wishes. Mihoshi is dead, Kiyone is with her forever, and Reyoko is dead.
Ryo: What a waste...
Trowa: I'd like to pull our attention to the fact that Washuu doesn't seem to remember us and just tried to blow us up.
Washuu: Oops, I missed. Oh well, I still have my crossbow!
(Washuu draws a crossbow and fires a bolt at Ryo. Ryo catches it and smashes it in his hand)
Washuu: Ooookaaay...I'll be running now.
(Washuu flees into the jungle)
Trowa: Apparently the machine has implanted a false set of memories into everyone to fit the world. Except us.
Heero: I guess Dr. J is focusing on us. Come on! Let's follow her! She might lead us to Dr. J!
(They chase her through the jungle, but lose sight of her at the lagoon. They find Tenchi there fishing off shore while listening to the radio. Dr. J is nowhere to be found)
Heero: Tenchi, where's the skipper?!
Tenchi: What?! Who are you?! What's going on?!
Heero: JUST TELL US WHERE THE SKIPPER IS!!!!
Tenchi: I don't know! He just ran off into the jungle.
(Just then, the tip of a mountain opens. An ICBM is fired out of it and heads in the general direction of China. 8 more emerge, firing in different directions. Then the radio makes an announcement)
Radio: (in Dr. J's voice) Attention leaders of the U.N.! As the head of Dr. J's island, I hereby declare war on every country on the planet! You may have noticed some missiles coming your way. Enjoy them!
Tenchi: WHAT!?! But…if he had the materials to build all those missiles, why didn't he just build us a new ship to get back?!
Heero: Because he’s insane.
(About then, fighters and bombers from every country approach. Dr. J launches an army of unmanned aircraft at them, and a huge battle ensues. Planes crash all over the island)
Trowa: We need to hurry!
Heero: Head for the silos! Dr. J might be there!
(They run off toward the mountain. Debris crashes all about them as they go, and the jungle is soon on fire. As they near the mountain, one of the planes drops an atom bomb. Ryo catches it, and it detonates in his arms. They are, once again, flung into another dimension)