Chapter 25

(The brainwashed planet)

(Scene opens on the city of Townsville of "The Powerpuff girls")

Narrator: The city of tow-

(City explodes. Powerpuff girls wake up screaming)

Blossom: Wow! Did you all just have the same horrible dream about the city exploding?

(Before anyone can answer, some hippy walks in)

Hippy: Hey girls, I have, like, a question. Why are…rainbows? (makes slow waving gesture at sky)

Blossom: Um...

(Girls are sniped)

Hippy: Long live the sniper revolution!

(Hippy is filled with bullets. View changes to the city being bombarded by snipe bullets. Shows snipe master laughing manically)

Snipe master: Ah ha ha ha ha!!! Die my pretties, die!!! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!!!

(All snipes aim at master. Master becomes a huge brass ball of welded bullets. Ball falls and causes massive destruction. The words “Dedicated to Lord Frieza” flash at the bottom. Suddenly, the program is interrupted)

Announcer: We interrupt your regularly scheduled program to bring you this news update.

Heero: (On couch in ship with Trowa) They always do this during The Snipe Show.

Announcer: We have just received word that Frieza has surrendered to the Pokemon army. I repeat, Frieza has surrendered.

Heero: What!?

Announcer: As of today, Ash is our new overlord. All hail Ash, and his glorious new regime!

Heero: Ryo, come look at this!

(Ryo enters and watches)

Announcer: Some divisions of the former royal army still loyal to Frieza are continuing the war and protecting planet Frieza, but are expected to be extinguished soon.

Ryo: No...

Trowa: Well...that's just the way wars go sometimes. We can't always win.

Heero: You're right. We should just let it go. I'm sure Ash will be just as good a ruler as Frieza.

Trowa: Too bad. I was starting to look forward to fighting again.

Ryo: What are you guys talking about?! We can't just give up!

Heero: Ryo, it’s over.

Ryo: Ash is our sworn enemy! We can't stop fighting just because the army that's backing us up is gone!

Heero: Ryo, face it. No one's a match for Ash. He's too powerful.

Ryo: I can take him! I just need a little time to practice! My armor can-

Heero: From what I've seen, your armor isn't that spectacular. So you can destroy planets with one attack. So what? Ash, or even Frieza could do that without moving.

Ryo: I just need time to train, then I'll be able to do it. My armor is sacred; I have the power of good on my side! We can't fail!

Heero: Ryo, look at this reasonably. Ash hasn't shown himself to be a bad ruler. He might even be better than Frieza. We should just find a planet and settle down. You can go on with your quest of vengeance if you want. I'm going to continue my search…(aside) Candy shop? What the hell was I thinking?…

Trowa: I'll join you. After all the weeks we’ve spent in this ship, living on a planet again sounds good.

Ryo: Guys, I'm convinced Ash is evil! Why else would he try to dominate the universe?

Heero: Greed, I suppose, but that doesn't mean he won't be a good ruler.

Ryo: Maybe so, but in my meditations I've seen a cloud of darkness surrounding Ash. I have a feeling he'll be the downfall of modern civilization.

Heero: Then go rent a ship on the next planet and get yourself killed. It's your choice.

Ryo: (torn) Heero...we'll see. Let's just stick together for now.

Heero: So be it.

Trowa: We're going to need to land soon. Ryo ate most of our mushroom fuel.

Ryo: And it was really good, too! It was like drinking 76,852 cups of coffee at once!

Heero + Trowa: …

(They land on a nearby planet. They talk to the pantless red man working at the port)

Heero: How much is this gonna cost?

Pantless red spaceport worker: Haven't you heard? Overlord Ash has eliminated currency.

Heero: ...is this a joke?

Pantless red spaceport worker: Am I laughing? LOOK!!!

(The pantless worker points to an overhead T.V.)

T.V announcer: And now, the latest news from the royal palace, our beloved ruler Ash has eliminated all forms of currency. Peace and prosperity for all!

Heero: Ok...let's go...

(They leave the port)

Trowa: How could he possibly think that this universe is ready for the elimination of currency? No civilization in all of history has been ready for that!

Ryo: What'd I tell ya? He'll be the end of us all!

Heero: Hm…I’m still not convinced. For all we know, it could be part of a larger plan that will ultimately bring order.

Ryo: Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll find plenty of other things wrong with Ash’s universe very soon.

(They continue to walk through the city. They spy a huge T.V in the Town Square. It is showing episodes of Pokemon)

Heero: (to some woman on the street) What's that?

Woman: It's the story of Ash's life. The WB network shows it nonstop. Our children are encouraged to watch so they can become great pokemon masters too!

Heero: Why would they want to do that?

Woman: To become a respected pokemon master is the highest honor.

Trowa: Then who's gonna run the rest of the world?

Woman: I'm sure someone would rather do an honest days work than wander the world and train Pokemon. It's just not meant for some people, you know.

Ryo: (whispers) Heero, I'm gettin' some weird vibes from the T.V.

(Heero looks at the T.V. The distinct patterns of flashing lights and colors begin to mesmerize him, but he snaps himself out of it)

Heero: It's mind control!

Trowa: To promote loyalty and order to Ash. Ingenious. That would explain the lack of plot I'm noticing.

Ryo: I guess this place has been under Pokemon control for quite some time.

Heero: Well...it does create peace and harmony...

Ryo: It's brainwashing! Oppression! Mind conditioning! These people aren't free, they're slaves!

Heero: As long as they're happy, does it really matter? Aren't we all slaves to our upbringing, our world, ourselves?

Ryo: Heero, listen to yourself! You're making excuses for Ash's idiotic idea of government! Yeah they're happy now, but just think of how they'll be when all of society crashes!

Heero: Calm down Ryo! From what I've seen, this world is stable. With mindless people, how can it fail?

Ryo: It can fail because Ash is a dumb ass! Ash's world can't handle change! He wants a completely peaceful and unchanging universe! And when change does come, he'll feebly attempt to restore it to what it was, and that'll screw it up even more!

Heero: What do you mean it can't handle change?

Ryo: How about social reform? What if people become immune to the mind conditioning?

Heero: Then they'll find another way!

Ryo: Not only will that take time, time in which chaos will reign, but have you forgotten that mind control is evil!!!???

Trowa: Uh, guys, this is NOT the place to argue the validity of the current government.

(Shows everyone staring at the gang. They pull their collars up and walk away quietly)

Heero: I'm feeling tense. Let's find a bar.

(They search for a bar. They have trouble finding one)

Heero: (to some guy on the street) Hey, where's the nearest bar?

Guy: I'm not sure. Bars are getting harder and harder to find these days. Everyone just wants to be Pokemon trainers. But I've heard there's a bar a few blocks west of here!

Heero: Thanks.

(They turn away)

Ryo: There was never a shortage of bars when Frieza ran the universe.

(They find a bar and enter. Inside, there are many Pokemon trainers discussing their strategies, as well as an arena where two people are battling their pokemon. Heero and crew walk up to the bar)

Heero: What're they doing there? (points to arena)

Barkeep: You must be from out of town. That's a Pokemon battle. Almost everybody does it these days.

Ryo: Kind of interesting how all of society is built around a sport, huh Heero?

Heero: Quiet, Ryo. I'll have a beer.

Barkeep: Sorry, Ash has recently declared alcohol illegal. It hurts the mind, don't ya know?

Heero: Ok...I can handle that...I'll just have some water and a hamburger.

Barkeep: I'm sorry, food is illegal.

(Heero gives barkeep cold stare)

Barkeep: ...come on, can't you take a joke? Geez!

Heero: Not today.

Barkeep: Well, I don’t blame ya. Seems like every ten minutes, there's a new rule.

(They start to watch T.V. This one's not showing Pokemon. A commercial ends)

T.V: Due to the wishes of Ash, the regularly scheduled "Snipe show" has been canceled forever. We now bring you the Pokemon movie.

(Heero quietly gets up and leaves. The gang follows questionably)

Ryo: Heero, where’re you going?

Heero: We're getting off this God forsaken planet.

Ryo: I knew you'd see my point.

Heero: Yeah, you were right, Ash's society is doomed. I don't know what I was thinking. Thanks for pointing it out. You did a pretty good job of analyzing the situation for someone who’s never had to question who they’re fighting before.

Ryo: Thanks; I was just trying to keep up with you two.

Heero: Well, I don't think there's much we can do, but let's do everything we can to save these misguided people.

(Walking down the street, they notice Dr. J torching things while insanely barraging an army of law enforcement officials with guns, explosives, and sharp metal objects)

Dr. J: Heero, you're just in time! This planet is overrun with pokemon and pokemon lovers! We have to stop them!

Heero: Dr. J, the pokemon rule the universe now.

Dr. J: I know! We'll just have to take them one planet at a time!

Heero: We're leaving NOW Dr. J.

Dr. J: But I'm having so much fun! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

(Heero grabs Dr. J and drags him to the ship. Dr. J continues to assault the planet. They get back to the ship and make a quick escape)

Heero: Well, we made it out of THAT hellhole.

Dr. J: And not before I managed to take advantage of their idiocy! I got loads of destructive material for free! Look! I built this blender out of the strongest material known to man! It's my best yet!

Heero: How many blenders have you wasted your time and mine building?

Dr. J: I lost count last week.

Heero: May I see that blender?

Dr. J: Ok.

(Show blender fly from airlock at multiple times light speed)

Heero: …what the hell happened? I didn't even throw it!

Dr. J: It's a high speed blender!

Heero: ...right. I’ll forget that happened if you get back in your room now.

Dr. J: Yes, yes, I’m going.

(Heero walks back to the living room where the others are waiting)

Ryo: So what are you gonna do, Heero?

Heero: I'll do whatever I can to stop Ash from destroying the human race.

Ryo: What's that?

Heero: I guess we should find a rebel army and sign up. You should work on increasing your armor's power. And for all our sakes, I hope you're not exaggerating about what it can do.

Ryo: Leave it to me. Ash is going down!

Heero: Alright then. I'm going to bed.

Ryo: Ok. See you tomorrow.

Disembodied voice: Ryo...

Ryo: (to Heero) What?

Heero: Huh?

Ryo: What do you want?

Heero: I didn't say anything.

Ryo: Trowa?

Trowa: Not me.

Ryo: Someone just called my name.

Heero: You're hearing things. Go to bed.

Ryo: I guess so. Good night!

Trowa: Wait. Something just occurred to me.

Heero: What?

Trowa: We forgot to get supplies, yet again, on a planet where everything is free.

(Scene ends in silence)