Chapter 26

(A day in Ash's court)

(Ash and his entourage of guards and attendants (including Misty and Brock) are parading their way into Ash's throne room. Ash is dressed in his old attire from the show, except it's all jewel encrusted. It is night. As they are walking, a streak of light smacks into Ash's head. Ash grabs his head and crouches in pain)

Ash: OW! OUUUCCCCCHHH!!!!!!!! Aw man! What the hell was that!!??

Guard: It appears to be a blender, sir.

Ash: Blender?! Who the hell threw a blender at me!!??

Guard: It came out of the sky, sir.

Ash: Blenders don't fall from the sky, moron!!!

Guards: We all saw it, sir.

Ash: Well whatever! Have it shot out of a cannon into the deepest, darkest reaches of space!

Guard: But sir, the fact that it survived reentry alone, and that it isn't even dented after hitting you-

Ash: Shut up!!! I said launch it out of a cannon!!! NOW!!!

Guard: Yes sir.

(They continue into the throne room. A cannon shot is heard in the background. Ash takes his seat. Misty and Brock assume their places by his side)

Ash: So what's on the agenda today?

Advisor: Well, most pressing, due to the lack of purpose, nobody is working.

Ash: What do you mean lack of purpose?

Advisor: You banned currency, so nobody is being paid for working. So they don't work.

Ash: Um...is that bad?

Advisor: Yes. Very.

Ash: Uh...well what do you recommend?

Advisor: I think we should bring back currency.

Ash: Oh fine. But I want every pokemon to have its face on a type of bill!

Advisor: Sir, there are 673 types of pokemon. Giving each one its own bill would waste resources.

Ash: But it'll be fun! Everyone will love it!

Advisor: ...we'll get started right away, sir.

Ash: Good. Anything else?

Advisor: The latest poll shows that people want a better plot in your show.

Ash: But they're classics!

Advisor: Perhaps if we started feeding the writers...

Ash: I have a better idea. Lets create another 150 pokemon!

Advisor: Sir, you can't keep using that as the solution to every problem. Eventually there will be so many that people will stop caring.

Ash: Blasphemy! Take him away!

Advisor: Nooo!!!

(Guards come and drag him away)

Advisor: You idiot! You've doomed us all, you bastard!!!

(Advisor is dragged away. A cannon shot is heard in the distance)

Ash: Bring in the back up advisor!

(A new advisor is brought in)

Ash: Tell me about our military position.

Advisor: Nooo.

Ash: ...

(Advisor is taken away)

Ash: Bring in the next advisor!

(A new advisor is brought in)

Ash: Tell me about our military position!

Advisor: Most of the planets have submitted to us, but a small minority persists in rebellion.

Ash: Whatever happened to Frieza?

Advisor: We don't know. Our forces are still trying to clear the rebels protecting planet Frieza. I'm sure we'll find out once we reach the surface.

Ash: We'd damn well better! I'm not done with him yet!

Advisor: Yes lord ass.

Ash: What was that?

Advisor: I said yes sir.

Ash: ...

(Advisor explodes)

Ash: Bring in the next advisor!

(A clown walks in)

Ash: I said advisor, not jester!

Guard: This is the next advisor, sir.

(Clown pulls out gigantic butcher knife, apparently from nowhere, and runs at Ash. Misty and Brock step forward to guard Ash. They blow up the clown. Unfortunately, the clown was a very powerful bomb. Ash's palace is destroyed, killing all but Ash, Misty and Brock. They float above the rubble of the palace, charred, and with a really pissed look on their faces)

Ash: Whoever did this is going to die a very painful death...