Chapter 28

(The death of Heero Yuy)

(Heero is walking in an orange fog. He heads toward the light. Heero is shot. He wakes up covered in sweat)

Heero: (Gasp!) Huh?

(Heero searches his pillow, but finds nothing)

Heero: That was a real dream? I wonder what it means.

(Heero notices it's 7AM, so he decides to get up and watch T.V. He turns it on to find Dr. J sitting in a plush chair near a fireplace with a book in his hand)

Announcer: And now, it's time for nursery rhymes with Dr. J.

Heero: ...what?

Dr. J: Hello kiddies! Here's one of my favorites!

Hickory-dickory dock,

The mice ran up the clock.

The clock struck one,

And all perished!!!

Hickory-dickory dock!

Dr. J: Now, let's sing a song!

This old man, he's insane,

He burns things down in the rain!

With an "Oh God help us all!"

"Throw him down a well!"

This old man is going to hell!

Dr. J: How did you like that one kiddies?!

(Silence)

Dr. J: I can't hear you!

Cameraman: (whispering) This isn't a live studio audience.

Dr. J: I'm talking to the kids! I said I can't hear you!

Cameraman: There are no kids!

Dr. J: Quiet you! Oh well, looks like we're out of time! See you next time, kiddies!

Announcer: This has been nursery...disturbances with Dr. J.

Heero: (blank stare) ...

(Dr. J pops up from behind the couch)

Dr. J: Did you like my show Heero?

Heero: How exactly did you get on T.V?

Dr. J: Bribery!

Heero: With what?

Dr. J: My gun! (pulls out large, fearsome gun)

Heero: That's called armed intimidation.

Dr. J: What's the difference?

Heero: (pulls out gun) Allow me to demonstrate.

Gun: *click*

Dr. J: Ah ha! You’re finally out of ammo! I’m free at last! Ahahahaha-!

(Heero pulls a clip out from his pocket and reloads)

Dr. J: …oh poo.

(Ryo and Trowa enter and join Heero and Dr. J)

T.V. Announcer: We interrupt your regularly scheduled madness for this newsbreak. Ash has reinstated currency. Henceforth, we will use Poke-money. (Holds up paper bill with a Gengar on it)

(Stagehand gives the announcer a piece of paper)

Announcer: This just in! Ash's forces have taken planet Frieza! Unfortunately, Frieza and his closest minions are nowhere to be found. Also missing is his legendary wine cellar.

(Announcer is handed another piece of paper)

Announcer: Oh! And this just in! Ash's royal palace was destroyed earlier this morning! The only survivors, Ash, Misty, and Brock, claim it was a clown bomb hiding among the royal personnel. It is unknown who sent this clown bomb, but Ash promises swift and fatal retaliation to all involved. All hail Ash!!!

Heero: Dr. J?

Dr. J: No! It wasn't me!

Trowa: (Checks the cockpit) Our computer says we jettisoned something in the direction of Ash's palace recently. Something big and clown shaped.

Heero: Well, let's just hope they can't trace it back to us.

(Heero turns off the T.V. Just then, a bell rings and the ship's voice is heard)

Ship: Destination reached. We have arrived at planet Frieza. Please input further orders.

Trowa: Great. We made it to planet Frieza. About a month too late to make a difference.

Ryo: Well, whatever. As long as we're here, why don't we enjoy the splendor! Planet Frieza is the richest planet in the known universe!

Heero: Because we're penniless. That's why not.

Ryo: Aw...well, maybe it's about time we earned some money.

Trowa: You mean get a job?...Makes sense...

Heero: Yeah. I wonder why we haven't been doing that all along...

Ryo: I guess we were too busy trying to rush to planet Frieza. But now that we're here, and have no money left, it's about time we ripped some poor unsuspecting sucker out of a wad of dough.

Trowa: Well put, Ryo! Computer: initiate docking sequence with planet Frieza!

Ship: I'm afraid planet Frieza is off limits to civilians.

Trowa: Ok then, land on that moon that has that famous restaurant on it.

Ship: Yes sir. Setting course for Lysat.

(Ship lands on one of planet Frieza's moons. The gang disembarks)

Ryo: So, let’s go see what's available!

Trowa: You two go on without me. I have something special in mind.

(Trowa goes off on his own. Heero and Ryo start wandering the streets. They look at ‘Help wanted’ signs as they pass by)

Ryo: Fry cook wanted.

Heero: Chump change.

(They continue)

Ryo: The zoo needs someone to clean the cages...

Heero: Next.

Ryo: Telemarketers needed.

(Ryo looks at Heero)

Ryo: Yeah.

(They continue. They notice a basket ball game going on in a caged court. They look at each other confirmingly and enter)

Player: Yo, git out our court! We don't do autographs!

Heero: Why would I want your autograph?

Player: Acouse we da official B-ball team uh Ash's home planet, boy!

Heero: I see. How about a little game?

Player: We don't play no amateurs!

Heero: Let's make it interesting. How about a wager?

Player: Whachu talkin' 'bout boy?

Heero: Something along the lines of, say, 4 billion dollars.

Player: Na how do I know you have dat kinda money?

Heero: We own that ship over there. It's worth about that much.

(Flashes deed to ship)

Player:...you got chyoself a deal! Where yo team?

Heero: You're looking at it.

Player: (blank look, then bursts into fit of laughter) Hey guys, we ‘bout to get ourself a new ship!

Heero: Loser gets the ball.

Player: Alright. And ta show how generous we ah, we gonna let you stat wit da ball!

(Heero and Ryo look at each other. Ryo makes an inviting gesture to Heero. Heero takes the ball, bounces it under a player's legs, off the cage wall, and rushes through the crowd to grab it in mid-air and slam-dunk it. The players stare in amazement)

Player: …well dat was jus a lucky shot! Now it's our ball!

(They pass the player the ball. He dribbles it confidently, then Ryo grabs it with blinding speed, jumps 30 feet in the air, doing several flips and tricks, then lands upside down, balancing on one arm on the ball, which is balancing on the rim. He bounces up and down for a while, then jumps 30 feet into the air again, and shouts as he crams the flaming ball into the basket, shattering the plastic backboard and snapping the metal pole it was on in half)

Heero: Show off...

(The entire team stands frozen with their mouths stuck open. They proceed to forfeit and deliver 4 billion dollars to Ryo and Heero)

Ryo: Wow, we made a killing! I wonder if Trowa did as good.

(Scene changes to Trowa stuffing an unconscious man into a gym locker and taking his uniform. Someone walks in)

Man: You're up in 5, Mr. Loman.

Trowa: I'll be ready in a sec.

(Trowa proceeds into an arena. An enormous crowd sits in the stands, cheering)

Announcer: And now, representing the planet Schist in the low gravity acrobatic event of our first annual universal Olympics, Mr. Zeak Loman!

(Vigorous applauds follows. Trowa approaches the course. It consists of several bars stretching up into the sky like a gigantic set of monkey bars, small rings suspended in mid-air, and hoops (flaming and non) on suspenders positioned throughout the web; all in a low gravity square stretching 30x30 feet. Trowa prepares himself, looking back to his circus days. He rushes toward the starting trampoline and jumps into the complex maze of bars. He puts on a stunning show, flipping his way up the tower, passing through every hoop he passes. He finishes his one-minute performance and takes his bow. The audience cheers uncontrollably)

(Scene changes to the spaceport. Heero and Ryo rest at the gates, waiting for Trowa. He approaches)

Trowa: Hey guys! How'd you make out?

Ryo: We got 4 billion dollars in a shameful basketball game. What about you?

Trowa: I earned a gold medal in the acrobatics event of the first annual universal Olympics. And about 6 billion dollars.

Ryo: What?!!! Why didn't you tell me they were holding Olympics!? I could have won every event!!!

Trowa: It's going on for another 2 weeks, so you can-

(Sees Ryo running off into the distance)

Ryo: Thanks Trowa!

Trowa: But I thought we could go to Chi-chi's to celebrate!

(Ryo stops so abruptly it leaves a small trail of flame)

Ryo: Woah! Chi-chi’s Intergalactic Home Cookin’!? The most famous restaurant in the universe?! Well then screw fame and fortune, let’s go!

(They set out for Chi-chi's. They arrive at about sunset. As they walk through the parking lot, they notice a sign. It reads "Parking $5000")

Ryo: Wow...good thing we didn't bring a car.

Heero: Good thing we don't OWN a car.

(They walk to the front entrance, only to find an enormous crowd in front. They fight their way to the door, where they are greeted by several very large bouncers)

Bouncer: Good evening. How may I help yous?

Ryo: Uh...we'd like to get in.

Bouncer: Do yous guys have a reservation?

Ryo: Um...no.

Bouncer: I'm sorry, but no body gets in witout a reservation.

Heero: If we made a reservation now, how soon could we get in?

Bouncer: About 3 years.

Ryo: Don't worry guys, I'll handle this.

(Ryo slips bouncer a ten dollar bill)

Bouncer: Why tank you, sir.

(Bouncer blows his nose on the ten dollar bill and throws it into a nearby trashcan)

Heero: Ryo, bribes cost more here.

(Heero slips the bouncer a million)

Bouncer: Hm...it seems a table has opened in one of our cheaper areas...

(Heero slips bouncer another 8 million)

Bouncer: Hm...for another 2 million, yous qualifys for our V.I.P passes, which allow yous to freely roam this fine establishment.

(Heero slips bouncer another 2 million. Bouncer hands them V.I.P badges)

Bouncer: Thank you kind sirs. Please enjoy yourselves.

(They enter the hall of the restaurant and are shocked, having never seen anything so ornate in all their lives. They can only imagine what Frieza's palace would look like. A waitress approaches them)

Waitress: Good evening, and welcome to Chi-chi's intergalactic home cookin'! Oh! I see you are V.I.Ps! Have you been here before?

Ryo: No.

Waitress: Well, on the first floor, we have our famous bar, where we serve almost any drink you can think of. On our second floor, we have a few tables and a floor show. Tonight, we are honored to have a Mr...I mean doctor. Dr. J performing for us.

Heero: I don't even want to hear about it, just so long as the place doesn't explode.

Waitress: Uhhh, ok! Our third floor consists of several buffets, the forth and fifth floor are reserved for quiet dinners, or, if you'd like, you may eat on our roof or balconies. Ok? Enjoy!

Heero: What do you guys feel like?

Ryo: I'd feel more comfortable in a bar setting.

Heero: Yeah, that's where I was going.

Trowa: Yes, and we might be able to gather some useful information.

(They walk through the door before them. Their ears are suddenly assaulted by loud music. Several forms of life from around the universe can be seen dancing, or just sitting and drinking. The three sit down at the bar. Chi-chi herself serves them)

Chi-chi: Hello! I'm Chi-chi, and welcome to my restaurant! What can I get you?

Heero: I'll just have some ice water and a steak sirloin, medium rare.

Trowa: I'll have a 30oz lobster with Glistrolian garlic potatoes, and a Sam Adams.

Ryo: I'll take a good ole' hamburger with extra mushrooms. And how much is your finest wine?

Chi-chi: 80 billion dollars.

Ryo: Um...how 'bout the second finest?

Chi-chi: About the same.

Ryo: Uh...what've ya got for two billion?

Chi-chi: I'll get you something nice. Oh, by the way, I'll have to ask that you all pay in advance. Your bill is about 4 billion now.

(Heero pays Chi-chi. Chi-chi returns shortly with their orders)

Chi-chi: If you need anything else, just call.

(Ryo notices a man sitting to his left, talking to a bartender)

Man: Tell me my friend, have I ever told you of the wildfire?

Bartender: Yeah, about 50 times. Give it a rest, Talpa.

Talpa: Ugh...(turns to Ryo) Tell me, my friend, have I ever told you of the wildfire?

Ryo: Hi Talpa!

Talpa: (jumps back surprised) YOU!!!

Ryo: Yeah, you remember me, right? I'm Ryo! You know, the guy who killed yo-

Talpa: I know very well who you are!

Ryo: Oh...so...how've things been in the nether realm?

Talpa: (sigh) My army of darkness has been defeated, and my empire lies in ruins. I will never conquer the mortal world, so I just come here to drink.

Ryo: That's sad...but I've heard sadder.

Talpa: My urge to kill you is rising swiftly, and if I attack you I'll be banned from this bar, so I think it would be best if you go.

Ryo: Yeah, maybe I should. Best of luck!

(Ryo relocates himself)

Talpa: Blast him!

(Talpa punches a hole in the counter)

Chi-chi: All right, that's it, you're out of here! Boys!

(Burly security guards come and drag Talpa away)

Talpa: NO! THIS BAR IS MY WHOLE LIFE! YOU CAN'T TAKE IT AWAY FROM ME! NOOO!!!!!

(Moments later, Duo approaches)

Duo: Wow, Heero! What a coincidence running into you again!

Heero: Duo? What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were getting rich off that beach planet.

Duo: Well, everything was going great until there was a unanimous vote by the populous to banish me forever. So I figured I'd come here and live it up. Hey, how did you afford to get in here? I thought you guys were broke! Did you sell your ship?

Heero: Trowa won the Olympics, and Ryo and I won a basketball game against Ash’s home team.

Duo: Good for you! Glad to see you're moving up in the world.

(Relena walks up from behind Duo)

Relena: Oh, there you are Duo! I was wondering where you went.

Duo: (Puts his arm around her) I told you to sit down, Relena. You’ve been on your feet all night! Here, I'll buy you another drink.

(Duo returns his attention to Heero and suddenly realizes he's in trouble)

Duo: AH! (removes his arm from Relena) I-It's not what you think, Heero!

Relena: Heero?

Heero: Relena? (Takes a moment to realize what's happening)...Duo, why do you look so worried? There was never anything between Relena and me.

Duo: Whew!

Heero: However, Ryo is still a bit pissed from before.

Ryo: I'll teach you!

(Ryo cracks his knuckles and Duo runs away screaming. Chi-chi shouts angrily at them and security attacks Ryo)

Relena: What was that about?

Heero: Nothing important.

(They stare at each other for a while)

Relena: ...Heero, is it really you? Am I dreaming?

Heero: No, it's me...

Relena: Well…where have you been, Heero? Where did you go?

Heero: I appeared on a desert planet called Titania. I ran a deli there…(thinks for a moment)…the details are hazy. But it was destroyed in the war against the pokemon.

Relena: I see. Well, after...after the joining, I was taken to a far away planet. I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. I wandered my way across the universe and eventually ended up here. Chi-chi took pity on me and gave me a job as a waitress. But tonight I met Duo, and we started talking. He told me you were coming to planet Frieza, but I never expected to...well what are you doing now that Frieza's surrendered?

Heero: We were planning to find a rebel army and join up. My friend Ryo, who just punched out that security guard, thinks he has the power to defeat Ash.

Relena: Why, Heero? Why must you fight? Can't you just let Ash rule?

Heero: You haven't seen his system of government. He's too foolish for his own good and the good of all mankind. He must be stopped.

Relena: Well...it was nice to see you...good luck.

Ryo (dodging security): (Whispers to Heero) Heero! Is that the girl you used to talk about?

Heero: Yeah.

Ryo: You can't just let her walk away! Especially with Duo! Take her with us!

Heero: We have separate lives, Ryo. I can't ask her to just leave.

Ryo: She's a bar waitress! We have enough money to support her and a hundred other people now! And she's obviously wild about you! I can see it!

Heero: But we'll be in constant danger. I can't put her through that.

Ryo: Look Heero, do this now or you'll regret it for the rest of your life!

Heero: I…can't.

Ryo: Then at least take her out for one night! I'll take care of the bill, don't worry! Uh oh. Gotta go! (runs as Gohan chases him).

Heero: Hm...alright. For old times.

(Heero invites Relena out, and they leave the bar and go out on the town. They go to a small cafe and have some coffee and ice cream. They don't say much to each other, they just gaze into each other's eyes. They follow this with a walk in an empty park. It's late night now)

Relena: Heero...I'm really glad I saw you again. I've been hoping all these years, just so I could...well...

(Heero looks spellbound into Relena's eyes, remembering how they saved him many times before)

Heero: Relena...will you come with me? To save the universe?

Relena: Oh, Heero! I'd love to!

Gun toting man: Alright you two, freeze!

(Heero turns to find a man in a pokemon military uniform. Heero draws his gun, but it is shot out of his hand)

Soldier: I overheard you in the bar. You were talking about rebelling against the pokemon empire!…or maybe it was that other guy…do I have the right guy? I was kinda drunk at the time…still kinda drunk now…wait, I remember! It was defiantly you! Well as a loyal soldier to lord Ash, it is my duty to kill you both! Now, who's first?

(Man waves his gun back and forth between the two)

Soldier: You!

(Soldier points his gun at Relena and fires. Heero jumps in front of her. The bullet flies through his heart. He remains standing)

Relena: Heero!

Soldier: Stubborn, huh? Fine then, if you’re so determined to live you can watch your girlfriend die!

(A look of terror sweeps Relena's face. But before the soldier can fire, a sword flies through his chest. He looks down at the blade sticking about a foot out of him. He falls and dies. Ryo rushes over toward the fallen Heero. Relena is crying over him)

Relena: Heero!

Heero: Relena...I'm sorry...(moan)

Ryo: Stand back; we might still be able to save him!

(Ryo examines Heero's chest. A surprised look jumps onto his face)

Ryo: Heero...Heero, get up, there's no wound.

(Heero opens his eyes in surprise. He feels his chest and finds not even a scratch)

Heero: Huh? But...how can that be? I felt the pain! Look, there's blood on my shirt!

Ryo: I don't know...

(They stand confused for a moment)

Heero: ...Ryo, how did you know we were here? You weren't following us, were you?

Ryo: Uh...no! I was at the bar!

Heero: Then why are you here?

Ryo: I, uh...um...

(Trowa walks up)

Trowa: He's got us, Ryo.

Heero: Trowa! You too?

Trowa: Actually, we came to find you. Dr. J got thrown out after his dancing penguin robots opened fire on the audience, so we had to take him back to the ship.

Heero: But why aren't I hurt? It doesn't make sense...

Ryo: Let's just assume it was Dr. J and go on with our lives.

Heero: I guess you're right.

(They leave and head back toward the ship. Ryo throws a backward glance to the bushes, but keeps walking. They fail to notice a robed figure with a staff, standing in the shadows)