Epilogue

(Scene opens in Frieza’s palace. Ash is stuffed and mounted over the mantle. People from every part of the universe have come to enjoy Frieza’s celebration of his recoronation)

Ryo: Man! This is an amazing party! Look at all the food! And I never knew so many kinds of wine existed!

(Heero makes an agreeing sound)

Ryo: ...So Heero, what are you planning to do now that the battle is over?

Heero: I’m not sure…what did I used to do?

Ryo: Hey…what did I used to do?

Heero: I think I owned a candy shop/deli in the middle of a desert…what the hell was I thinking?

Ryo: Hey, yeah…and I drove a truck…

Trowa: And I…have no idea how I met you two. It all seems like a dream now.

Ryo: Yeah. In fact, I can’t remember anything since we left Titania.

(Frieza overhears this)

Frieza: Good lord, you people are from Titania?!

Ryo: Yeah.

Frieza: The oceans of that planet give off a powerful narcotic element that fills the air! Everyone who lived there was in a perpetual drug fantasy!

Trowa: Wow…that explains so much.

Ryo: Well…I guess this is a new beginning for us then.

Trowa: Yes. Frieza helped me find Catherine. I wrote to her, and she said she’s started a new circus. I plan on joining it after a few more days of rest. What about you Ryo? Did you take Frieza’s offer?

Ryo: No. Mia and I are getting back together. We’ve both matured a lot in five years, so we’ve agreed to give it another try. But Frieza did promise to pay for my collage tuition!

Heero: Cool. Congratulations.

Ryo: Uh...guys, since we’re all splitting up...who gets stuck with Dr. J?

(Silence. Elsewhere, away from the crowds)

Goku: You’re letting me go?!

Frieza: Not quite. I’d like you to keep your job, but I’m going to start paying you. And you can have more time off...and I’ll beat you less.

Goku: Wow! I can’t believe it! But why?

Frieza: Well, I’ve realized that I don’t hate you so much anymore. You’ve more than paid for what you did to me on Namak. I hold no grudge. So let’s just move on with our lives. Deal?

(Frieza holds out his hand. Goku shakes it. Meanwhile, back at the party)

Sonic: So you’re the Nintendo guys.

Mario: A’yes.

Sonic: You don’t look so strong.

Luigi: I show’a you strong!!!

(Luigi attacks Sonic with a club. Sonic vanishes and reappears behind Mario. Luigi runs around the party hopelessly flailing his club, trying to find him)

Mario: You’re-a very fast.

(Elsewhere)

Duo: (To some bimbo) So, I just saved the world. Can I buy you a drink?

(Elsewhere again)

Reyoko: Come on Tenchi, have some wine!

Tenchi: I’d rather not.

Reyoko: But it’s good for you! Now get drunk!

Aeka: Leave him alone! Lord Tenchi doesn’t have to drink if he doesn’t want to.

Reyoko: Nobody asked you. In fact, I’d say you could use a shot yourself. You’re looking pretty uptight.

Aeka: You be quiet! You should be ashamed! You’re drunk off your-

(Elsewhere again)

Frieza: By the way, where is that strange fellow who put the chronostone in the blender?

Heero: I’m afraid he couldn’t make it.

Frieza: Oh. That’s too bad.

Heero: No it’s not.

(Frieza approaches the front podium and taps his glass with a spoon)

Frieza: Your attention please! I’d like to say a few words. We’re here today to celebrate my return to the throne, but we wouldn’t be here at all if it weren’t for the help of three boys who had the audacity to march into my throne room and tell me they would fight Ash. We owe our lives and our freedom to them. Let’s give them a hand! Come on up, boys!

(The crowd applauds as Heero, Ryo, and Trowa come up to the podium)

Frieza: Would you say a few words, Ryo?

Ryo: Ha. What can I say? All we did was follow our hearts, and-

(Suddenly, little fireman robots come up and begin chipping away at the set with little axes, and scaring the guests. A screen descends over the back wall with Dr. J on it)

Dr. J: Hi Heero!

Heero: DR. J!!!